Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
