u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He passed out mid-signature
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
