Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
