I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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