The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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