i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
