I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this just has baby written all over it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
