I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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