Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
