I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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