I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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