Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I had your ass I would rule the world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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