i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
