weddingsv make me drug and hornr
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
