omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
