this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
