What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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