i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
