He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sarcasm needs its own font
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
