I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize