That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
