i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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