she smelled like a LAN party
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
