I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
