yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
