im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
