Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
