I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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