My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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