you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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