You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have post one night stand depression
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