During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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