btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
