I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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