what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
