She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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