I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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