I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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