I can tuck mytits in my pants
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
