yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
one two three fourrrrnication!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
