dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
