ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Randomize
