wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
