Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
