he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
