I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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