Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize