Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
