I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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