porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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