My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
