I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
