The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
