3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
