I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
