I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
