I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
