are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
