I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
