I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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