I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
