I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize