His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
