I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
