I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize