i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My vagina is officially offended.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
