You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize