I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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