Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
