how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
