My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
