Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
