There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
