I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
