I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
