Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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