you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
